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Tonight is the finale of Big Brother 6 – arguably the best Big Brother of the bunch (and sure, if you consider the first season, really not a difficult feat to accomplish, but nonetheless, this one kicked arse). The Fiendship-Sovereignty battle, see-sawing every week, kept me on tenterhooks and thoroughly addicted.

There was Kaysar (swoon), Cappy with his ‘roid rage and delusions of grandeur (and who “doesn’t regret anything he did – it’s just who he is”, despite being forcibly restrained from starting a fistfight. Great role model to your kids, dude), Janey – pretending to be a ditz, but one of the best reality show contestants I’ve seen in a while, targeted for eviction almost from the word ‘go’, but still managed to be in the final three (and author of the classic line ‘Bye Bye, Bitches!’). There was Yapril, gossipy, prone to weeping and owner of the worst cry-face I’ve ever seen, Beau… er… (I’ve got nutthin’)… Beau… um…winner of Best (and Most Frequent) Squeal Award, Michael – booted early and unfairly because Cappy got it in his teeny head that there was sexual harassment going on, Ashlea… again, I’ve got very little, but she’s a friend of Janelle’s and therefore alright in my book. Sarah – sweet, naïve and completely redeemed her nauseating In-Lurveness by her “Bye Bye Bitches” t-shirt. Rachel, who was easily the most adult of the houseguests and lovely to watch as she unravelled in her hatred of Jen in the jury house, James – masterful at playing both sides and record veto winner. There was Horndog Howie. Howie, Howie, Howie. A gibbering idiot when the camera’s on him, surprisingly articulate when not. Also single-handedly engineered the demise of the Sovereign 6 when he handed his balls to Naggie on a silver platter. And Jen, who I will forever loathe for her betrayal and rationalization of “I didn’t lie, I just broke my word” (what???) and target of much fan-based hatred.

Which brings us to the final two: Naggie and Evilette. Oh ok, I’ll be a tad more dignified. Maggie and Ivette. Who will win? Who should win? I read a comment on a forum which claimed that when Kaysar was asked what he’d do if he were on the jury and asked to vote for one of them, he said “walk out”. Did I mention I love Kaysar? Except – darling? Get rid of the gunk in your hair. Doesn’t work for you.

I will reluctantly admit that Maggie played an excellent game. She put Eric as the titular head of the Fiendship cult and sat back, lurking like a spider in the middle of her web and masterfully manipulated everyone, while preserving an image of motherly near-saintliness. But she gives me the willies – her sanctimonious insistence on her own morality and overall wonderfulness, when she so clearly is a hypocritical, judgemental and manipulative person has made me want to barf more than once. Ivette… well, I love that a Hispanic lesbian might win a reality show (the whitest, straightest world). On the other hand, the woman’s a racist and in general just nasty. Can’t wait to see them grilled by the jury. And I would pay money to see the faces of the cult when they find out that America hates them.

Lastly, our hostess with the mostest: The Chenbot. Fantastic job, Julie, although I’d love to see you ask actual questions. I thought you were to be a reporter? How about probing a smidge, trying a pointed deconstruction of particularly idiotic contestants? And as a special treat, for those among you who don’t know why fans call her The Chenbot, check out TVgasm’s brilliant compilation of all her “but firsts” of the season.

And no. I still don’t know whom to root for. Although I’ll be watching, I’m mentally joining Kaysar and walking out on the decision. Well, and maybe to snog him in a corner while everyone’s busy.