Blog

Do you pretend to be better than you are? Do you hide your pain, your fatigue, maybe you illness itself? In my new article for HealthCentral, I write about the damage pretending with do to us and our relationships and share tips for taking off the mask:

“We all do it — pretend that everything is OK when really, it isn’t. We put on a brave face and a smile like it’s a mask that can protect the tender, aching parts of us from the harshness of the world. Or maybe we’re trying to protect others from the realities of a chronic illness such as rheumatoid arthritis (RA). Perhaps it’s a bit of both.

It’s not healthy. Not for those of us living with RA, nor for others who see only the mask we create to obscure it. Disguising our reality only widens the divide and further isolates us from those we care about.

Creating the mask

It’s not just those of us who have RA and other forms of chronic illness who pretend in order to face the public or perhaps even those closest to us. All of us do this.

We learn from childhood to not share our private troubles, to keep to ourselves, to build the mask and the costume that goes with it. And yes, partly it serves a purpose. Society couldn’t function if all we did was tell each other how we really feel. No one would have time to grow food, repair cars, pass laws, or simply get through the day. So an etiquette developed to build relationships, but only just so far.”

Read more about the RA mask and how to take it off.