Blog

Updated November 20, 2021

There are just a few days left before the Big Day and it’s crunch time. Crunch and well, panic. When you have a chronic illness and limited energy and ability, it’s even more of a challenge. Everything seems overwhelming, the lists keep growing instead of shrinking, and the specter of the Big Day being ruined and you being crashed out of the couch for months looms ever closer. This time, try to avoid that. Try these three things to get you through the holidays — or whatever event you are planning — and maybe even enjoy it, too.

Say No

First, say no. And sure, this is the time of year that’s all about the ‘yes,’ when denying anyone anything seems positively Grinchish. It’s not just a social pressure, though. When you’re moving really fast, there is also a tendency to vastly overestimate your abilities, as well as underestimate the time any task takes. And what’s more one more thing on a list of a zillion tasks? No problem, right?

Wrong. Say no. Saying no enables you to have more time and energy for the essentials. Paradoxically, doing less helps you do more.

Say the word ‘no’ with me as you read this post. Sing it, even. Practice it in front of the mirror, find ways to rephrase it so it doesn’t feel so scary or mean — for instance, “I want nothing more than to help you, but I am overextended as it is” or just say the word no, but translated into another language. Start with people who you know will understand and gradually work out from there. The point is to not take on any new task.

Once you have said no to new tasks several times, move on to your to-do list for the next few days. Start culling the herd and be ruthless. I know it all seems terribly essential, but if you really think about it, probably only half of it is. Maybe even less.

Embrace ‘Good Enough’

That panic and overwhelm I just talked about? These feelings are also very good at making everything you do or have done seem half-arsed. Somehow, it feels as if your home/presents/cookies/whatever don’t look like it came out of the feed of a top influencer on the ‘Gram, you must keep trying until it’s perfect.

Actually, you don’t. Because some of those influencers have stylists and you don’t. Aside from the inept-coloured glasses (as opposed to rose-coloured), very few of us are stylists who specialize in making everything look stunning.

And truth be told, wouldn’t it be kinda creepy if we did?

There is a charm in handmade, wonky, not entirely straight, can-see-the-glue that there isn’t in perfection. In Japanese culture, wabi-sabi is a beauty that is imperfect and incomplete. For instance, a broken bowl put together again with gold along the cracks.

Which means you get to celebrate the beauty that is an imperfect tree, a messy home (because who has time for cleaning these days?) and call your holiday prep — all of it — good enough.

Yes. Good enough. The quest for perfection is useless and unattainable (and will make you feel like crap). So sit back, take a look around, and embrace the Good Enough.

Rest

And then take a nap. Maybe two or three. Or call a friend and entice them into the Good Enough club and spend some time together, relaxing. Maybe try for a last minute massage, pick up some trashy books to keep you company at the library, or — gasp! — spemd your afternoon watching a holiday movie.

Resting now will mean that you can show up on the big day, feeling as good as possible under the circumstances, and have enough mental and physical space to enjoy every moment. Which will make your friends and family members happy, because remember this: more than anything else, they want you there, part of it all.

Wishing you and yours a wonderful holiday!