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Comparison and competition with chronic illness gets us tangled up in stress and sadness. In my latest article for CreakyJoints Canada, I share my thoughts on this, as well as four ways to start learning how to unlearn the urge and find acceptance in your own rheumatoid arthritis reality:

“Comparing yourself to someone else seems to be so ingrained in us that I’m beginning to think it’s genetically based — or maybe a deep-seated cultural phenomenon. Grading your performance starts early and this “comparitis” continues to be part of everyday life. We use it as motivation and inspiration, and sometimes, to make ourselves feel better. But is it actually helpful?  

When you live with rheumatoid arthritis (RA), or any other type of chronic illness, comparing yourself to others can hurt yourself and them. We live in a culture based on competition — which includes comparison — and there will always be someone better or worse off than you. So how do you disconnect from the urge to compare and find acceptance with your own RA reality? 

When Comparison Hurts You

I’ll never be able to do anything like she can. 

When you look at someone who appears to be able to do more than you can or has more skills, ability, success, or better health, it’s a recipe for depression and devastation. Whatever you use as a basis for comparison takes on added importance, focusing your worth only on what you don’t have or can’t do. What’s more, it blocks out all the other reasons you are a wonderful and worthwhile human being — all of which cease to matter in the face of this one thing that’s worse than someone else’s life or ability.  

Social media isn’t the only cause of this, but it does fan the flames. We know that people curate their posts to fit a brand image with very little room for the messy truth that all of us are struggling with out of camera range,.yet it’s hard to remember this in the face of how you feel. I’ve been there myself, in the past and likely as recently as a few minutes ago. It’s a lightning moment of a comparison that ends up with me putting myself down. It takes work to come back from that, to remind yourself of your own value over and over again.”

Read my article on avoiding comparison with RA on CreakyJoints Canada.