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A friend sent me an e-mail with an invitation. He has the possibility of going to a gala and since it’s for disability related thing, asked if I wanted to come along. This is a transcription of the next few seconds in my brain:

Absolutely!

I don’t have it anything in my wardrobe that is remotely appropriate for an event qualifying as a Gala

I have a month to find something Gala-worthy

I haven’t been out to something fancy in so long I don’t remember how to act

Or how to dress

Would this mean I’d have to wear makeup?

The last fancy thing I attended was pre-big flare, a wedding in 2002. That’s nine years ago and it wasn’t until yesterday that I realized the lack of fancy in my life. Not that there was a lot of it before, but some, at least a couple of times a year and then the flare ate my life.

Life is made up of many things, of friends, work, family, groceries, paying your bills and every now and again, it includes a big celebration, the kind you dress up for and feel a bit like a different person for a night. And not having that, not being able to do that, sets your experience of life apart, shrinks it into something not quite “normal.” Cuts off a part of your life.

I started Enbrel in 2005, had a bit of a derailment due to side effects and then Humira came along in 2007. Since then, my life has returned, gradually, slowly, expanding in big ways and small and I thought that I was, if not done with the growth, then touching all the areas I would continue to explore. And then the Gala came along and once more, my life took a breath and expanded into something that was new again.

And it makes me wonder yet again how much farther it’s possible to go.