How to Pace Yourself with Chronic Illness
How do you learn to pace yourself with chronic illness? It’s more complicated than just deciding to do things more slowly — there are a lot of emotional aspects to this process, as well as learning a whole new way of leading your life.
One of the most frustrating aspects of chronic illness is that you are not able to do all the things you want (or need) to do. I am not talking accomplishing big achievements — it can be just keeping up with the never ending to-do list of chores and everyday tasks. If you don’t do anything, the mess accumulates (I swear it procreates in the dark). When you do have a good day, you might feel tempted to blast through, only to find yourself prostrate on the couch for a week. During which the mess accumulates, so what when you`ve healed, you have to do it again.
It’s a vicious circle of overdo and crash, overdo and crash.
Everyone says that the key to managing life with chronic illness is to pace yourself. Somehow, we ignore that. In the face of the piles of laundry, deadlines, medical appointments, and herds of dust bunnies the size of capybaras, however, we often make the decision to pace ourselves later in favour of a clean house, keeping our jobs, seeing the latest specialist, and so on.
Here are some of the factors that can help you change how you approach the doing in a different way and finally break that vicious circle.
Listen to your body
When you live in a culture that is guided by sayings such as “mind over matter” and “no pain, no gain,” it can be really difficult to shift into paying attention to the messages your body is sending you. With chronic illness, those are often pleas for slowing down, for resting, for going easy. Who has time for that, right?
You might feel that you don’t, but it is essential to take the time. To open your heart, your mind, and your ears so that you and your body can work together. Because in the long run, that’s the way to actually live your life. Perhaps at a somewhat lower level of intensity and activity than before, but at a steady one, with lower highs, but also higher lows.
Set attainable goals
Yeah, I know you’ve heard this one before and I know you don’t like it. Attainable goals are code for doing less and that doesn’t get anything done, does it? Well, actually it does. Doing less every day will in the long run gets a lot more of your list completed, because you won`t have to take so much time out for crashing.
I found this out many years ago, when I was so wrecked by RA that I could hardly do anything. I set a goal to deal with three pieces of paper from my horizontal filing area (i.e., dining table) and to stop right there. It took two weeks, much less than I thought it would, and the table was cleared.
Set a goal that sounds completely ludicrous in its tininess. Do not set a mental much higher goal, but stick with the small one. Then do that and walk away. Come back the next day and do it again, including the walking away. At some point, notice how you haven’t flared or crashed because of overdoing for weeks.
Be flexible
Have a variety of plans for your day. Plan A might be to clean your house, but Plan B is to sit at your computer or desk and pay the bills. By having a Plan A, B, C, and even D, for varying levels of energy and ability, your day will not be ruined if you chronic illness decides to play a major role.
The great thing about this step is that you don’t actually have to accept that you can do less than you used to in order to implement it. Using the Plan A, B, C, etc., system for a while will make it easier to come to terms with where you are now. When you have shown yourself that there are things you can do while pacing yourself, the consequences of that acceptance may not seem so dire.
Practice forgiveness
Forgiveness is a part of many religious and spiritual thoughts, but it tends to be other-directed. When you have a chronic illness, learning forgiveness of yourself will make a huge difference.
When we can’t do, we tend to beat ourselves up, saying such nasty things as we would never say to anyone else. It eats away at your self-esteem, as well as your ability to reach some level of equanimity with this new life. When you hear that angry voice inside of you, try to redirect it towards forgiveness and understanding. It’s not your fault or your body’s fault that this has happened to you. Being angry with yourself and your body will only get in the way of healing and whatever you need to do.
Just like my tips for dealing with depression are a work in progress, so is this. On good days, I often forget that I am supposed to pace myself and whiz through everything — because let’s face it, it’s fun and it makes you feel almost normal.
For me, a big part of this process has been learning the signs that my body is wearing down and learning to stop. Immediately. Not after I just do this next seven things.
I’m getting better at it, a little every day.
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I have a few people in my life who suffer from chronic pain and I am always telling them to do what they can and don’t beat yourself up if you can’t get to something today. I will definitely be sharing this post with them. Thank you for sharing.
Appreciate it! The thing is… it’s got to come from the inside. First, you have to figure out all that emotional baggage associated with it, to give yourself permission to do what you can, not what you want to do.
Thanks for these tips. Having suffered through some chronic pain myself it’s easy to forget these values sometimes.
It sure is. Also, pacing yourself doesn’t feel a good as blasting through. Ultimately healthier, though. 🙂
As an IBS sufferer, this post really speaks to me. It is difficult to listen to my body “say no” when I want to do what I want to do, but I have learned to listen a lot more over the years. Thank you for the reminder that it’s ok to listen to my body.
Not just OK – essential! After decades, I finally came to the conclusion that my body is my partner in this. We are fighting the chronic illness together. That helped me get better at pacing myself.
You’ve hit the nail on the head – doing less at a time actually helps us accomplish more. I’ve just taken three hours to clean the kitchen up – essentially a half hour job. But I’ve done it in 5 minute bursts, and caught up on computer stuff in between. If I’d done the tidying all in one go I’d have dislocated several joints and needed a two+ hour nap!
Congratulations! That’s a major accomplishment!
Greetings from South Africa.
I have recently been diagnosed with RA, and coming across this site has been of immense value. I can relate to what Trish has said about taking 3 hours to clean the kitchen. It is bizarre to see yourself doing a task that used to take a few minutes now taking hours. I am thankful for the support of my family. It would be emotionally painful to endure this without their support. Thank you Lene for your valuable contribution with this site.
These are all really great tips! They all provide suggestions and emphasize how a mental shift can help a lot when you can’t power through things like you used to.
I actually think they could work for any situation where you’re having trouble getting stuff done. A new mom, when work is sucking you dry, etc…
thank you for sharing such wonderful tips to stay in tune with the body! having a chronic illness must be difficult but listening to your body is key for sure!
it’s a challenge and so much more than just the physical. Thanks for stopping by!
These are great tips for everyone, not just those who suffer from chronic illness. Because I think it is so easy to push ourselves too hard constantly. What a great reminder to kind of slow down and listen to our bodies. I love that part.
So glad you liked it! and yes, I agree – useable for anyone who wants to stop the stress.
Yes! Goals with flexibility! It’s not quite the same, but I used to get so frustrated when I had my first baby. I could never get anything done that I had planned, because breastfeeding means sitting a lot, on demand(and yes, our mess procreates over night as well). Accepting that I could only do so much helped, and like you said, having a backuo plan for other than I could accomplish helped SO much.
That’s exactly it! Being overwhelmed and not having the energy or physical/mental space to do everything isn’t limited to having a chronic illness. One perfect example is being a new parent. Talk about overwhelming! Hope you figured things out. Thanks so much for coming by.
Wonderful advice for people who suffer from chronic pain. These are perfect for keeping a healthy mindset despite how much pain you are in. I find it therapeutic and easy to forgive myself when I know I’m doing the best I can.
Exactly – it’s so much about forgiving yourself. Also one of the hardest things to do.
I have a friend who deals with chronic pain also. She is still working on getting diagnosed with some things. Pacing herself had never been easy and forgiveness nearly impossible. Thank you for this article. I’ll be sharing with her.
Getting diagnosed when the doctors have trouble pinning things down can be such a hard experience. Please let your friend know that I’d be happy to talk to her, if they need some feedback on navigating the healthcare system. Thanks for being a good friend to her.
“Listen to your Body” is so important. Take the time you need, slow down, honor the needs your body has. Thanks for this message. I appreciate how you share your story with us. Thanks.
It’s also one of the hardest things to do, because we are taught in so many ways to focus on “mind over matter.” It’s a work in progress!
Life with a chronic illness can be hard, and sometimes we just expect too much from ourselves. Practicing forgiveness and being as kind to ourselves as others is so important. Listen to your body and don’t overdo it.
Absolutely. It does take a lot of trial and error to figure out where that overdoing it line is… 🙂
My wife actually suffers from IBS and fibroids, and every day is a battle for her. Getting on the keto diet definitely helped, but she still has issues with it from day to day. She sometimes says she’s broken, and I have to correct her and tell her she’s exactly how she is supposed to be and I love her. I myself suffer from time to time with back pain, but I’ve found that what’s helped me is weight training and moving around a bit.
A lot of people with chronic illness feel field broken — we are taught, I think, that our bodies should be perfect and I think it can be especially hard if you have been healthy and then develop chronic illness as an adult. You know what it’s like to be well. I know it’s a hard thing to hear when you love your wife, but you might want to ask her what she means. Sounds like she needs to talk about that feeling.
Can’t agree more that we need to learn to forgive ourselves first. When life is not smooth and perfect for situations beyond our control, we silently suffer from guilty consciousness. being able to forgive ourselves and not holding us accountable is such a huge step. Thanks for the post. It’s beautiful
You hit the nail right on the head. It is especially in situations beyond our control that this happens. It’s not limited to chronic illness — it can be anything from being a new parent, to having lost a job, to grieving the loss of a family member, and more.
These are great tips! I think setting realistic goals is so key. Goals keep you progressing even if you don’t actually meet the goal. They keep you moving forward. I know that when you’re body isn’t doing what you want it to do, everything seems a little frustrating. But forward movement has to give some satisfaction in an otherwise dissatisfying situation!
Completely agree. Is so important to break a larger goal into smaller goals, even many goals, if necessary. It may take you a long time to achieve the big goal, but as you said, as long as you keep moving forward, you feel better.
There’s nothing as painful as bashing oneself. The hurt alone could drive one astray. Thank you for this wonderful insight.
Exactly. WE are so often very mean to ourselves. Stopping that is in itself a victory.
These are great and really helpful tips. I think listening to your body is an important thing. And just with pacing yourself with chronic illness, but through everything. We tend to neglect our bodies and what they need and we forget that they are the ones that have to carry us through life. Thank you for this post.
That’s exactly it. We are so often taught that it is “mind over matter,” but it is our bodies that carry us through the day and enable us to do everything we do. I have a friend who gets strep throat every few months because she consistently overworks herself. Like you said, even when you don’t have a chronic illness, it’s important to listen to your body.
My best friend gets chronic migraines and I’m constantly telling her to slow down and be kind with herself! I will be sending this to her!
I hope it helps!
I am almost able to call it quits when I get tired.
Oh who am I trying to fool. I am no where near doing that.
Yeah. Me, neither. I mean, I know the theory, but am not always able to practice it. But that’s the key concept, isn’t it? Keep practising.
Thank you so much! Exactly what I needed to hear. My psychologist talks about this and I’m really trying, but it’s so difficult. One day at the time. Need to stop beating myself up and pace my life. I’m valuable for the person I am, not just for the things I can (no longer can’t) do. Love to all of you out there!
Several years ago, I was in a really rough situation, that actually helped me be nicer to myself. I started thinking about what I would do if someone was saying the same mean things to someone I loved that I was saying to myself. I realize that I would defend them with everything I have. Then I started wondering why it was okay to say such things to myself and realized it wasn’t. For a long time, I did my best to catch it when I was about to internally be mean to myself and stopped myself. And then tried to say something nice instead. It was incredibly liberating. Best of luck on the journey.