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I used to think that friendship was built in person. The internet taught me differently when it gifted me my tribe of a chronic illness community.  In my tribe the, the wise woman is Cathy Kramer.

Cathy and I met ten or so years ago, when she started writing for HealthCentral, and we kept being brought together in other ways, as well. Clearly, the universe had a plan up her sleeve. It didn’t take us long to figure it out and our friendship started growing.

We have shared laughs and some sadness, experiences that made us grow individually and together, we have  learned from each  other, been cheerleaders for new adventures and whenever we talk on the phone, it feels like a balm for the soul.

Friends often travel along a similar road, but at other times, personalities are complementary, which can be very interesting. Cathy, my wise woman, has a different way of approaching life with rheumatoid arthritis than I do.  I disappeared into my head, only in the past few years learning that giving my body a vote about what I do makes for healthier choices. It still doesn’t get nearly enough votes, but I’m learning.

Cathy, on the other hand, is fully in touch with her body, showing it a respect and consideration that I have never imagined. She listens and makes decision based on what her body wants. It’s pretty revolutionary. More than that, she has raised her children to listen to themselves, to respect their inner voice and to live authentically in the way we all want, but so seldom do. Over the past 10 years, I have learned a lot from her about recognizing my needs, emotional and physical, and to let them take centre stage.

OK, to let them at least share centre stage. Sometimes.

But this isn’t just a random ode to my friend, this woman who is so close to me, yet we have never met. This is the story of us finally meeting when Cathy and her sister Stacey decided to meet in Toronto, of all places. And as part of that, wanted to go out to dinner with The Boy and I.

It was weirdly a bit like a first date. Just because we’ve gotten along swimmingly for ten years didn’t necessarily mean that we can hold each other’s attention past the usual hour we talk on the phone.

Yeah, right.

A Friday night at the end of May, David and I walked to Union Station to meet Cathy and her husband, Steve, as well as her sister Stacey, and her husband, who happens to be another David.

We waited, then there were some texts to identify the meeting place, then another one from Cathy saying “Get excited.”

As if it was possible to get more excited than I was.

And then, there they were. Well, I only really saw Cathy — introductions for everyone else had to wait until after the hug. And that’s when any nervousness completely disappeared and all that was left was this sister-friend and I.

We went out for dinner, all six of us, and everyone just clicked and talked and laughed and then laughed some more. For hours.

It was a gift of an evening.

Now I just need to figure out a way to get them up here more often.