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We all have when you wake up to discover that everything has chosen this exact moment to fall apart: your chronic illness has flared, your pain is out of control, the cat puked in your shoes, and brain fog is making it impossible to think. For instance. And sometimes, we have several days like that in a row. Finding a way to cope is important, but in the mess and panic, it’s hard to remember what your coping tools are.

One of the things that helps me when reality gets a little dark around the edges is a good quote. When my mind is a mess of frustration, pain, and overwhelm (yes, that is — or should be — a noun), a quote can be a lifeline out of the darkness, and remind me that I’ve been in such a place before and yes, I have the coping skills. Quotes can help simmer down the panic and give me clarity, comfort, and focus. Here are nine of my favourites.

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This, too, shall pass.

I first learned about this brilliant quote from a friend who is Jewish. He said that it was from the Torah, but I have since also read that it’s a medieval proverb from an area near Turkey, which also included Hebrew and Persian. I am not picky about where it’s from, all I know is that this one reliably reminds me that all things are temporary. And that if I can’t actually do something to change my situation, sometimes I just have to hold on and it will change itself.

Scared is what you’re feeling. Brave is what you’re doing.

So much of living with chronic illness is scary. Whether you’re deliberately choosing to do something that hurts because you have to keep moving, livingg with pain that feels like walking on knives, or facing a new diagnosis, it’s all scary. We do it anyway. But when it’s really scary and you have reached the point where you just want to curl up in the fetal position and whimper, this quote from Room by Emma Donoghue helps. Because we might feel scared, but we can find the courage to keep going.

Don’t let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do.

Another facet of living with chronic illness is the endless parade of things you can no longer do — either quite as well as in the past or at all. But if you pay too much attention to that part of your life and you are leaving the door wide open for depression. One of the cornerstones of my approach to living positively with rheumatoid arthritis (RA) is doing my level best to always look at what I can do and hardly ever at what I can’t. On the days I get a little lost, this quote by John Wooden helps me get back on track.

Every writer I know has trouble writing

On the days when I feel unworthy of writing a personal cheque, Joseph Heller (author of Catch-22) brings a bit of sanity into my life. Although this is very specific to the way I make a living, I think it can be applied to any profession or role. I bet even Mother Teresa struggled occasionally. So take a deep breath and get back to it.

Do less today, so you can do more tomorrow

Is it self-aggrandizing to include yourself on a list? I actually didn’t realize that I have said quote this until my friend Janet pulled a quote from our interview on her terrific podcast Medicated Babbling. I learned the concept the hard way, at a time when I was so wrecked from RA that I had very little energy. I needed to deal with the horizontal filing area that was my dining table and set a goal of dealing with two pieces of paper a day.

I learned two things from that exercise: doing less helped me not burn through all my energy and therefore enabled me to have enough strength to do more the next day and the day after, rather than being crashed out on the couch in a horrendous flare because I pushed too hard. And second, small goals done on a regular basis will help you complete a bigger goal much sooner than you think. It only took two weeks to clear that table!

I often say now I don’t have any choice whether or not I have Parkinson’s, but surrounding that non-choice is a million other choices I can make

Michael J Fox is a brilliant man and despite never having met him, I consider him a bit of a mentor on my own journey of dealing with chronic illness. So often, it feels as if my health is in total control of my life and I bet I’m not alone in this. In those moments, this quote gives me a gentle smack upside the head, and I realize I have a million choices.

Pain cannot be compared

Oh, that urge to compare yourself against others who have less pain, or maybe even those who have more. All that does is make you feel worse — either because you are “worse off” than someone else, or because you lifted yourself up in a way that feels sort of slimy. My pain is different from your pain and our pain is different from someone else’s pain. Our lives, history, culture, and how much sleep we have (and many other factors) all effect the experience of pain. I might be able to cope today and not tomorrow. You might be able to cope today and I not at all. Comparing pain simply doesn’t work.

My barn having burned down, I can now see the moon

People think I’m weird when I say that RA doesn’t just take, that it has also given me a lot of valuable gifts. I wouldn’t be who I am without it, I would live where I do, know the people I know, or do the work I do. Difficult journeys can lead to beautiful destinations. That’s probably something humanity is known for a while, but a 17th century samurai named Mizuta Masahide wrote it down.

Life is uncertain. Eat dessert first.

I have no idea who actually said this, but it’s a bit of a life philosophy with me. So much so that I put it on a mug. As children, we are raised to eat real food before dessert, which I believe creates adults who put off actually enjoying our lives until the weekend, vacation, retirement. Never put off enjoyment. Make sure you deliberately seek out joy every day. I can tell you from personal experience that it has made me a lot happier.

Do you have a favourite quote that gets you through the hard times?