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Living with rheumatoid arthritis is hard at times. In my new column for HealthCentral, I write about the importance of an emotional support team and which roles can especially help in different situations:

““I NEED YOUR help.”

There will always be times in your life when you can’t do it all alone. When you have rheumatoid arthritis (RA) you may experience more of those times, but actually saying those four little words can feel so difficult as we admit we can’t be perfectly independent. Here’s a fact: Most of us live our lives based on interdependence as we create informal ways to get and give support in most areas of our lives. And when you have RA, creating a support system could help improve your quality of life, as well as make living with pain and fatigue a little easier.

A social support system is a group of people we can turn to for practical and emotional support. Almost everyone has some form of support system in our lives, sometimes multiple ones that overlap or exist in a specific area. For instance, groups of parents create carpools to get kids to after school programs, family members may serve as emergency babysitters, a neighbor shovels snow off your driveway, or members of a church deliver casseroles if you’ve had surgery.

Of course, it’s a lot easier to receive help when it’s a one-off, such as a snowstorm or surgery, or reciprocal when you do some of the carpool rides. We are taught to reciprocate when someone does something for us and with chronic illness you may not be able to. I struggled with this for years, feeling very much unequal to friends and family who were helping me out with practical tasks. Eventually I realized that I did reciprocate, but in other ways. A friend might help me with cleaning and organizing my apartment, while I reciprocate by listening about a difficult time they’re having as a single parent or by researching difficult-to-find items that made a difference. Equity in a relationship with friends and family is not the same as equality. You may not be able to shovel their driveway, but you have other skills that contribute to the relationship. Remember that when someone is part of your support network, you are likely also a member of their team.”

Read more about how to create your own “go-team” on HealthCentral.